The twins have a cold

The twins have a cold. And they seem more rested than I am. Sigh.

They were totally fine when I got home from work yesterday. Absolutely their usual chatty and active selves. But then putting Ihsan to bed was tremendously difficult. He was crying (or rather screaming) most of the whole hour and a half it took for me to put him to bed.

Afterwhich, he and Irfan took turns to wake up and fuss. Yes, with twins the reality is that one wakes up and fusses for 45 minutes before he goes back to sleep, when right on CUE, the other twin will stir and then fuss for another 45 minutes, before he tag-teams the other twin who then wakes up. And it's like that ALL night long.

To be fair, MrEveel  took the earlier shift, from 12-3am. So I did get a bit of sleep.

You see, we take turns to sleep with the twins. It all started from birth when they shared a crib. I was a panicky mummy. Everytime one made a sound, I would instinctively jump out of bed to soothe the baby. I was totally afraid, then, that one crying twin would wake the other twin. And who wants two crying babies, right?

So, my actions conditioned the twins to expect to have me, or hubby, be around to soothe them when they awake at night. Yes, this means that I have not had a night of uninterrupted sleep for more than a year (cos I wasn't sleeping during my pregnancy).

Only until recently, when we moved into our new place have we sorted out the sleeping arrangements so that hubby and I take turns to sleep with the twins (in their bedroom). This means that we get alternate days of uninterrupted sleep. *yaay* (yes, we are that SAD)

But, yes. I could kick myself for being stupid earlier and now finding myself in this not so great situation. I am not a perfect mother, and the truth is, we make silly mistakes because we don't know any better. And caring for twins is really difficult OKAY!

 Sigh...it's this struggle I have with my inner perfectionist critic. I keep blaming myself for the situation I am in. Like why in the world, didn't I just like separate the twins, or leave them to cry. And it goes on and on and on!

Anyway, even though it was hubby's turn to sleep with the babies, I ended up taking over because he was exhausted, and he too needed to go to work the next day. The long and the short of it was that I was up all night, and am exhausted today.

I took childcare leave to take them to the peediatrician (i can never spell this word). He said, it could become a full blown flu- Please god! Don't let that happen. And they were so clingy and whiny all day long.

They're in bed now. But they do keep waking up to fuss (God, give me strength)

And i logged onto work emails to clear my inbox. But i've decided not to do any work tonight., even though my to do list is sooooo bloody long. Because I am tired, I have a 9am meeting tom. And I had a hard enough day as it was.

Sigh...I hope your week is starting out better than mine. =(

About Me

I've just update my About Me section of my blog. I think it more accurately reflects my state of mind. And the focus of my rants and raves.

I've been quiet because I've been struggling. But i read something that reminded me, that this. Yes this- jotting down of my thoughts will help me.

I hope it does.

If you are a reader. Cos i know there are those of you who drop by and maybe take a look around. Do leave me a comment, or send me an email.

It helps me a lot to know that. I am not alone. (Not that I am alone, really. but you get my drift!)

I am a new mother of twin boys. Post maternity leave, I have entered into a new working environment.  

Everyday is a struggle of balancing my desires to be a mother who is involved in every single thing my twins are experiencing as well as my personal desires to excel at the workplace.

Everyday is a struggle and no one day is easy. 

This blog has served, for some time, to be an outlet for me to air my worries, frustrations and challenges. 

But recently, it's been suffering from neglect. Because I've been neglecting my own needs. 

So today, I remind myself of the power of sharing and that it is important for me to take some time to pen my thoughts down.

I also hope that my honest sharing will help other women like me.  

And i pray that through this journey, I will be able to gain clarity on my roles and grow my appreciation for the love that I have been blessed with.