can u believe?

can you believe it? after looking at my preggie pics...i just realised that...

i miss my baby bump!

man...never thought i'd every hear myself say it...

=P

weightloss

The one thing that is wonderful about my difficult pregnancy, aside from the 2 lil angels that were yanked out from my belly by Dr Tham, was the weightloss.

I started out at X kgs (okay I is still shy about my weight, cos those of you who know me, know that I am no kate moss!)

So Xkgs pre-pregnancy.

When I last weighed myself before I popped at 8 months,  I was X+ 8.88 kg. (The nurses were so excited that they wanted to buy a 4D number!)

5 days after i delivered, I was X-1kg!

Can you believe? I was so excited that I had lost all my pregnancy weight and even dropped a kilo.

10 days after I delivered, I was X-3.5kg.

And now, almost a month after, I am at X-4.5kg.

I could have lost more I'm sure, but I haven't been able to keep my grubby hands off the chocolates, pineapple tarts and kek lapis in the fridge. Tsk right?

This morning, I pulled out my favourite pair of GAP jeans that were just a little too snug a few months before I was preggo, and it pulled up easily, with a little room to spare! yaay! And believe me, my tummy hasn't gone down just yet. So i hope i still have a few more kilos to go!

YAAAAAY!!!

stretchmarks forever!

When i went to my Obgyn to get my stitches removed, Dr Tham overheard me complain to the nurse about how bad my stretchmarks were.

He then said quite plainly, "They're not going to go away. Overstretched skin like yours won't heal like other women's. You'd have to go for laser treatment to remove the stretchmarks."

I responded with a "WHAT?"

So yeah, apparently carrying the twins caused my skin to overstretch and unlike other mommies who carry 1 baby, my stretchmarks are forever.

If i do decide to do the laser treatment thingee, which my doc said will cost about $7K at this point in time, then i'll have to make sure I do it, only after I've decided to sew my womb up, close shop and decide firmly not to contribute to our country's birthrate anymore.

Ah well....I have many more things to stress about aside from the stretchmarks, doesn't really bother me now that I have to live with them for much longer. It's like a proud war wound I can look at to remind me of the 'battle' I went through.

Sigh...only regret is that I won't be able to prance around in a 2 piece. =(

my twin pregnancy journal- eviction notice

Ame sent me a link to this photo saying that she thought of me when she saw it.

It made me laugh. I definitely am feeling like an eviction notice is in order!

I am also wondering whether this photo was airbrushed.

This mother has little if any stretchmarks.

Mine, on the other hand, have taken a life of its own.

And oh so itchy too!

my twin pregnancy journal- you don't understand!

33 weeks

Despite not putting on much weight, I am HUGE!

Besides the usual backaches that people associate with pregnancy, I suffer from a lot of discomfort such as, pain and aches in the lower part of my belly, probably because of the weight of the babies. My pelvic area hurts too, and my upper thigh muscles quickly tense up and get stiff after a short while of sitting down stationary. So everytime i get up from sitting down, I struggle a little to walk, and often look like I'm shuffling or waddling as the muscles get moving.

The other night, mum saw me get up from the couch to go to the toilet and she remarked, "Eveel, can't you walk a little nicer. You look awful shuffling around like that"

Her remark just blew my top off!

I retorted ," Excuse me, mother. I am carrying 4.4 kilos worth of babies right now at 33 weeks. How heavy was your heaviest baby at full term? Tell me, how heavy?"

She laughed and replied ," Oh, bout 3kilos"

I then went on a long diatribe about how she and ANY other mother who has never carried twins before has NO idea what I and other twin mothers are going through, and therefore should do what is right- which is to keep their mouths SHUT!

my twin pregnancy journal- breastfeeding fears

33 weeks

I picked up my medela freestyle breastpump earlier this week. After reading the instructions and going through all the stuff in the box, i stuffed everything nicely back into the box. I haven't even charged the batteries yet. I'm not sure when i'll use it, maybe not the first few weeks maybe? I'm not sure.

I woke up this morning at 4am for my usual pee break and to turn, which i do periodically every 2 hours these days. And as i sat on my bed, my head flopped forward half awake, waiting for my muscles to warm up a little before getting up to go to the loo, i thought, 'This would be how it would be like waking up for late feeds i suppose'.

Then i started panicking about the logistics about how i will be able to concurrently feed Upin and Ipin. I started fretting- what if i drop them, what if 1 or worse, both, roll off the bed. Would I have to get hubby to help me, wouldn't he be too tired for work the next day if he doesn't get proper rest. It went on and on and on...till i found myself wide awake at 4am.

I couldn't go back to sleep. Ended up making myself toast and an omelette and having a super early breakfast. Ah well, i suppose i'll figure it out...

Yikes!

my twin pregnancy journal- update on upin and ipin

33 weeks


Check up last Saturday went very well. Upin and Ipin are about 2.2 kilos each, which is a good weight. In fact, my baby centre update for 33 weeks for a single baby went something like- ' Your baby is about 2 kilos by now'...lol... mine are 0.2 kilos heavier than an average singleton baby at 33 weeks!

In fact, i still have a good supply of amniotic fluid in each bag, which doctor says means that the babies still have plenty of space to grow bigger. YIKES!

The extremely good news i heard was that at 33 weeks, Upin and Ipin have about a 100% chance of survival if they are delivered now. They may need just special care, and doc assured me that the chances of taking them home almost immediately is very good!

Here's a happy mommy...counting down to seeing my 2 little babies...

my twin pregnancy journal- a'wristed' development!

32 weeks

As if nothing else could go wrong! I've had what i thought was just a strained wrist for some time now. But a chance meeting with an aunt who used to be a physiotherapist warned that my symptoms weren't a simple wrist twist, but something to do with my ligaments. She also told me that if it WAS what she suspected, I'd need steroid injections or if it got worse...surgery!

So, having avoided a visit to the doctor about it for quite awhile. I reluctantly went, and as I feared, it was ligament damage. And as I had also suspected, there's nothing that can be done for me now to help with the pain because of my pregnancy. No oral medication, and I can't do steroid injections. Now, I had expected all this news, and so wasn't quite bummed...

Until...

My mom, who was with me at the doctor, asked if my new found hobby of crocheting had been a factor in my hurting my wrist. Although i yelped out frantically that the pain had begun before i started crocheting, my doctor sternly said, 'No more'. He warned that if I continued with the constant repetitive action with my wrist, the damage could worsen, and I may find even carrying a baby's bottle really difficult.

So, a wasted trip to the yarn shop the day before. Bundles of yarn that cannot fulfill its destiny to be elephants and monkeys for the twins and for nephew Mik.

*SOB*

my twin pregnancy journal- going out is just hard to do

week 31


Moi was really excited that I had a hospital appointment today at KKH to see my counsellor (read: psychiatrist). I was really looking forward to doing some shopping at the hospital for last minute baby stuff and then heading out to town for awhile to get a book at Kinokuniya at Taka. I was also hoping to head to Ang Mo Kio central to get more yarn to finish the 2 other elephants i'm crocheting for my twins.

What i've learnt is that- it is almost impossible now to gallavant. Just a month ago, I could take the shuttle from the hospital to the nearby MRT station, and walk around Orchard AND take the MRT home.

But not anymore.

Just the 500m walk down the corridor from the hospital clinic to the nearby mothercare outlet left me wheezing. Even with a cab-ride to Taka, I still had to sit down for a break, just walking through Kinokuniya! In fact, throughout my half-hour trip in Kinokuniya, I sat down for a total of 3 times for about a total of 15 minutes. Thank goodness I knew what i wanted to find and the sales assistants were very helpful. PLUS Kino isn't as crowded as Borders, and there were many benches that I could park my lardbutt on for a break.

The rest of the trip was a physical strain. I needed to get something from Taka itself and did it as quickly as i could. I also needed to make a trip to the pharmacy, and by the end of it I was breathless and feeling giddy. I parked myself on a bench, next to the loo, for ten minutes just trying to catch my breath. Luckily for me I had a bottle of water to help me keep hydrated and cool.

The queue for the taxi was equally strenuous. There were no seats, and I was just praying that someone would let me just jump ahead of the queue. People stared at me, with looks of disbelief that I was probably out and about, seeing how huge I was, but noone offered to let me jump ahead of the queue! It wasn't as if there were no taxis available, it was just that the turning out of Taka is quite busy, and the taxi movement was slower than it could be.

The taxi ride back was terrible. I was giddy, and I spent ten minutes upon reaching home, with my head in a plastic bag, puking out what little I had for breakfast. I spent the rest of the afternoon being giddy and tired. And dissappointed I didn't even manage to make my yarn stop!

That's it. No more outings I think. At least without hubby, who can help fuss over me. Definitely shouldn't be gallavanting on my own anymore.

=(

my twin pregnancy journal- antenatal blues

week 31


The truth is, I've been suffering from ante-natal blues. I'm not depressed, but i've felt down enough to shed a couple of tears.

It started during my first trimester. Then it was about the horrible morning sickness, which left me feeling not quite myself. I was also bummed that I was not at work, and not my usual productive self, and would have episodes where i would breakdown crying in the shower. I remember just feeling so shitty and not myself, and feeling like this was all too much for me.

One episode saw me bawling my eyes out at my OBGYN's office, simply reacting to his question, "How are you, Eveel?" It didn't surprise me that I was referred to see a counsellor (read: psychiatrist) at KKH. Of course my OBGYN made it very clear that it was all the hormones and it would be helpful to have someone to talk to.

My first session went terribly. I cried for the whole 1hr session. I remember crying that I was afraid that I would lose the pregnancy fearing that the first miscarriage episode would repeat itself, I remember crying that I didn't feel happy, that I didn't feel I knew who I was, etc. The counsellor was very nice, telling me that what I was going through was just an 'adjustment' problem with the pregnancy, possibly brought upon by the extra load of hormones that a twin pregnancy brought along.

After the 1st trimester blues were over, I felt better. So i didn't have many sessions with the counsellor during my 2nd trimester, the counsellor did decide to see me during my 3rd trimester, just to check that my mood hadn't gotten worse then, especially when I was expected to get big, uncomfortable and probably cranky from lack of sleep.

True to what was expected, I was back to my crying state again, scaring my husband shitless. The worst episode, was one morning on the way to work. I just couldn't bring myself to go into the office. I stopped for brekkie at McDonald's at Rider's Park (at Queenstown). And when i got back into the car and started it, I just started bawling. Cried and cried and cried. It felt like the whole world was collapsing around me. Called my husband, who told me to go straight back home!

Then the crying and the weeping started again. It was largely the hormones, AGAIN!

And the culprit was these hormone pills , at quite large doses too, that my doctor made me take to keep the twins safe and happy. It was also administered during my first trimester too, and we suspected that it was the cause of all my unhappiness.

The counsellor wrote to my doctor, asking him if it was ok to reduce the dosage of that particular pill, or remove it completely. He did, and instead upped the dosage of another medication that I was suffering no adverse effects from and almost instantaneously...*tadah* i was back to my regular self.

I've been shy to talk about this really. It's like a failing of some sort. You know, you're suppose to be happy and pregnant, enjoy being pregnant, be rosy and glowy. But i was the total opposite of it.

I am starting to open up about it, and i think people should know that pregnancy is hard. Even without extra hormone pills, your hormones ARE everywhere, and preggie people do get weepy and emotional just because. And it is such a physically challenging phase too. And it's ok. I mean great if you have a rosy and happy pregnancy, but it's ok if you suffer the blues too!

my twin pregnancy journal- the stretchmarks are here!

31 weeks


Hurrah! The stretchmarks are here!

In case you're a dense idiot...i'm being sarcastic!

All the bio-oil and cocoa butter i've been lathering on myself have not been able to save me from the dreaded stretchmarks.

To be fair, it was a losing battle to begin with. There was no way, with 2 huge babies resting and growing very very well in my belly, was my skin going to stretch gracefully without breaking into stretchmarks.

I try and remind myself of what a friend's hubby called her stretchmarks, he called them lovemarks. Reminders of how much love and joy she brought into the world.

Sweet...though i'd prefer no stretchmarks still! =)

my twin pregnancy journal- much to be thankful for

week 30

Honestly, I felt a bit guilty yesterday. No, make it a LOT guilty yesterday. Guilty for complaining and whining about the discomforts of this pregnancy that I'm experiencing.

Went to the extended family gathering yesteday, where MANY ooohed and aaaahed over my huge baby belly. I have some relatives who are trying very very hard to have babies, and some who have given up, who rubbed and rubbed my baby belly, hoping that some of the luck would rub off on them and that they would jangkit (be infected) by my pregnancy.

I supposed I'd be the same, if this was back to 1 year ago, and seeing a baby belly would make me terribly jealous.

I AM thankful! I've always been! I just needed to whine and complain, cos it does hurt, it was difficult. I mean it still is. But I'm thankful that we're this far along, and that we're having TWINS!

BUT, I also need to remind myself everyday that this is a blessing that not everyone has been or will be blessed with and that hubby and I have so much to be thankful for.

Alhamdullillah...

my twin pregnancy journal- Maxi Maternity?

Week 30

Because i'm huge, most of my clothes, even the maternity stuff is getting tight.

BUT, today I fished out my favourite ZARA Maxi dress, which doubles up wonderfully as a maternity dress too!

I felt Fab and pretty today, i did!

It was a good way to kick-start the New Year!

(Oh, excuse the birkies. I was really prioritising comfort 
above all else!)

my twin pregnancy journal- helping my sweet tooth along

week 29

So. I have always had a sweet tooth. And although it's tapered off drastically when i got pregnant and morning sickness came along, it's returned in my 3rd trimester. But definitely not back to my pre-pregnancy levels of chocolate and sweet indulgence. Even so, i was quite bummed that the gestational diabetes meant that i couldn't indulge my sweet tooth.

But I was totally rocked when i found among my mum's recipe stacks, a recipe for low-fat, low-sugar wholemeal pancakes! I made the poutiest face I could pull and asked mum if she'd whip me a batch for brekkie on Saturday. And she did!

I thought i'd go without any syrup...cos i'm all diabetic and all..but on a random trip to the supermarket the next day, I came across a bottle of diabetic maple syrup. I didn't even flinch at the pricey $10 pricetag and added it into my shopping basket.

I was in heaven on Saturday, with my wholemeal pancakes and my diabetic maple syrup!

my twin pregnancy journal- pretty purple dress

week 29


Headed out to a wedding on Sunday afternooon. The groom is a very close friend of my lil brother. They went to secondary school together, and is a close friend who i too had gotten to know over the years. So although i wasn't feeling up to it, and feeling altogether FAT- in a whale-kinda way, i dragged myself out.

It was also a good excuse to wear my pretty maternity dress that i had purchased just for weddings. I had only wore it once, and it was already quite tight. The dress itself is big, but the inner lining is a little smaller.
I was surprised that it was looser this time.

This gestational diabetes diet has helped me shave a few kilos it seems! Even some of my colleagues have remarked that my face looks slimmer. I just hope the babies are still growing well! =)

my twin pregnancy journal- HUGE!

week 29

I am HUGE! I look like I am 40 weeks pregnant. I'm so huge, that even sales assistants ask me while i'm shopping when i'm due. I figure they're all worried that I'm going to deliver right there on the shopping floor while they're on duty. And they're all shocked, with mouths wide opened when i tell them that i'm only due end of Feb!

Imp took a snapshot of me while we were gallavanting at Ikea during a lunch break. And i too was surprised by just how huge i looked.

but the good news is that, i don't look that pregnant from the back!

Well, i have only put on 9 kilos since i got preggie, and my bump is huge, so most of that weight must have gone to the babies...in fact, i think i myself may have lost a lil weight during the pregnancy...what with 5 months of morning sickness!

I'm just wondering, how much bigger i'll get!

my twin pregnancy journal- preparing for upin and ipin

week 28

I'm finalising my preparation for Upin and Ipin's arrival. I've managed to clear out enough space in our already tiny room for all the baby stuff my sis-in-law has passed to me. Yes, my babies aren't going to be too good for hand-me-downs. In fact i'm quite thankful for all the stuff that she's passed on to me.

Made me really happy to arrange all the stuff nicely into what used to be my undie drawer!

I'm also getting especially excited about expecting twins..although i can go on and on about the pains of carrying 2 babies right now...but everytime i see all the cute lil twin type clothes that's been gifted...i go all weak in the knees and all teary too!

my twin pregnancy journal- gestational diabetes

week 27


It sucks! It's xmas time and there are goodies galore, and i won't be able to indulge my sweet tooth, which has just returned this trimester, in all the xmas goodies because i've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

Of course, i have to experience like almost every negative symptom of pregnancy there is. I had 5 months worth of morning sickness, hemmarhoids and now gestational diabetes. And you know, this condition was the condition i was so confident i wouldn't get.

I do have a sweet tooth, but the sweet tooth disappeared as soon as i got preggie. I've not been over-indulging in food, and i've only put on 10 kilos since i got preggie. Make it 9 kilos, i've managed to lose 1 kilo over the last 2 weeks! Even my colleague who's put on 20 kilos, carrying ONE baby, didn't get it. Nooooo but i did!

Sigh...last week i had to go through 2 days of self-testing of my blood sugar levels on 6 meals a day diet my doctor has put me on. The diet's not too bad, like i said, i haven't been over-indulging. The new diet is basically the same as when i was not on a diet, except i've cut out my sweetened yoghurts, sweetened cereals (like cococrunch) and the marigold choc puddings i've been indulging in. Oh and my occasional ginger beer, which was really to help my morning sickness.

But still...i'm NOW craving the sugar and the chocolates....and i can't have any...

sigh.

my twin pregnancy journal- the dreaded hemmarhoids

week 27


Initially, I was embarrassed about this situation I'm in. But it really is something that is very common among pregnant women. About 20-50% of pregnant women would experience hemorrhoids during pregnancy.

It started last Saturday. We were attending a friend's wedding and were on the way back home, when i felt something as I plonked myself into the car. I told hubby, 'hmm...i think i have that errr...ummm...condition. I can't remember what's its called, but i highly suspect it'. Hubby of course didn't know what i was talking about. I fished for my phone and googled it, and exclaimed- HEMORRHOIDS!

I quickly forgot about it though. I fell asleep exhausted as soon as I reached home. But it did bother me the next morning, and I quickly asked hubby to send me to the doctor. It was confirmed. I had 2 prolapsed hemorrhoids and 1 internal one. Doctor sent me home to rest in bed, with suppositories and cream to help the pain.

And boy, did it hurt! I spent the next 3 days grimacing at my every move. Most of them just shifting from lying on my right to my left, as i laid in bed fighting back the tears, wishing that the 70 odd days that stood between me and my EDD would come as quickly as possible.

Then the bleeding began. It first started out as very light streaks of blood. Nothing that worried me very much. And then on Thursday, it really started to bleed. I was soaking pads up so quickly!

We rushed back to my GP who proclaimed that this was beyond her and that I had to see a specialist immediately. She made an appointment for me at Mount Alvernia with a Dr Cosmas Chen (i was in no mood to even be amused by his name), and we hurried over to see him. She said that he would probably do a rubber band ligation procedure on the hemorrhoids, which would stop the bleeding.

BUT, Dr Cosmas told me that my hemorrhoids were way too big for that! And if I weren't pregnant, he'd be wheeling me into surgery right that moment. Now anyone else would be freaked out by now, but this Dr was smart enough to calm me down the moment i walked through the doors, and told me that he would take care of me and that everything was going to be fine. So i didn't panic and was generally calm.

He managed to stop the bleeding, shoved the hemorrhoids back where they belonged for awhile, and told me that the best way to manage this was through an aggressive course of oral medication which he assured me was safe for the babies. And that I had to keep pushing my hemorrhoids back to where they belong at least 3 times a day and proceeded to scold and nag me about having a diet high in fibre.

The worst case scenario, is that I start bleeding again. I can't stop it, and he can't stop it. Then he'd be forced to operate on me on local anesthesia...NOT General Anesthesia! YIKES!

It's been about 4 days now, I haven't had much problems, and only slight discomfort. but i have to take care of this until the babies are born... so I've been watching my diet, eating lots of fruits, cos I wouldn't want to have to be awake when Dr Cosmas prods around down there....

sigh.....

9 weeks to go.....

my twin pregnancy journal- feeling weighed down

25 weeks


I've gained 10 kilos since i got pregnant. Doctor Tham expects me to put on another 2.5 kilos every 3 weeks, so i'm expected to put on another 10 kilos before i deliver at 37 weeks.  That's absolutely crazy!
When was the last time i put on 20 kilos within a year? Never lah!

Sigh.

The good news is that the twins are about 900g each. Doc said that he'd have been pleased if they were between 500-800g at this stage. Well, i guessed it, I'm carrying giant twins. This explains why i'm so huge, my back is killing me, and my brother thinks i look like a whale.

I do feel like a whale..a beached whale. Put me in water, and i'm a-okay. I glide effortlessly, weightless and serene. But once i'm out on land, it's just a constant struggle.

And expectedly, with 2 giant babies, and the extra hormones running around, i've been feeling down. i'm still feeling blessed that i'm expecting twins and happy that their progressing well, and right at this moment, apparently playing a game of futsal in my tummy...but i've just been feeling down.

It really has something to do with just not feeling like a shadow of myself. Sigh. It really doesn't help when i tell some people about how i feel, to hear them say, "oh, you'll never feel like yourself again!".
crap lah! Even so, let me find out on my own. I really need to stop talking to these party poopers. Yeesh!